Firstly let me apologise for the update and match report being a day late, I have been inundated with calls from the press and media for comment on Thursdays match, now I have fended them off here we go.
So finally Eastleigh Dampbusters confirmed the long awaited match, with just 36 hours for our 10 athletes to prepare, time was short as we all entered our pre match period of reflection and scented candles and an Indian head massage.
The 10 mighty HAWKS meet at The Westleigh, tension, anticipation and a rather unpleasant odour hang in the air (nerves were definitely affecting someone!!!) as The Special One guides us to the hallowed space of the first team changing room, Ritchie the Kit had adorned the pegs with our sacred kit, and soon we are transformed into a professional looking squad. We have all trained hard and listened intently to the coach as I see a large graphic on the wall ‘Prior Planning Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance’ and we know we are ready, after a brief but informing tactical chat we are thundering down the M27 in a convoy of deep determination.
We arrive at Silverlake Stadium and are led to a shared changing room, where we first set eyes on our rivals a motley crew of misshaped pensioners (similar to us I suppose).
So to the pitch, a rather old second rate affair unlike our incredible training facilities.
We face up with our starting 6 as the kick off arrives.
Now at this point I must explain something. We are the HAWKS over 50’s Walking football team, now as the title suggests you must be over 50, and you must walk, these factors are critical to the game, therefore no under 50’s and no running, jogging or sprinting.
Back to the match, in under 10 minutes the HAWKS were 2 nil down, at this point Matt The Subtle had a few quiet words with the referee and assisted him with definition of running, as the Dampbusters were under the impression that it was a normal football match, throughout the match the Dampbusters continued to run both on and off the ball, managed to achieve 4 sin bins for running, but the HAWKS stayed true to the real game, and despite a stronger second half lost 7-0. I can honestly say if the Dampbusters had played proper walking football the score would have been considerably different.
Now, we could be all bitter and twisted that we had been conned, we could call them cheatleigh or scambusters, but on reflection we have to feel sorry for them and offer compassion to the team and coach, they don’t understand the difference between walking and running. So my fellow friends and athletes, lets assist our westerly neighbours in any way we can, and next time we meet, lets hope they’ve learnt the difference.
‘LEARN TO WALK BEFORE YOU LEARN TO RUN’
And so to my fine 9 colleagues, athletes and friends, your commitment, temperament and fitness should be a lesson to all. We start where else but with our powerful captain Stewart the Voice a leader through and through, to our incredible keeper Tony The Wall superlative, Rob the Fit consistently brilliant, the effervescent Pete the Fast what a talent, Mo the Polite always on top, Clive the Nimble supreme in every way, Dave the Rave strong commanding superb, our mighty Wok an inspiring talent, our trialist The Power huge strength on the pitch, and finally Matt the Subtle plenty of movement but no final product (lucky he was wearing pads!!!!)
I think it would be most ungamely if I didn’t mention a few of the Dampbusters, firstly Mickey Pink number 6, the only member of their team that managed to walk in the second half, a very skilled player. Number 3 who shall be named Paul the Pusher, and finally the tall gobby bloke with the white hair, who defended his constant sprinting down to the fact he had long legs? YAWN
What did we learn from this encounter? Well, not a lot really, maybe we are all a lot fitter than we thought, and to be honest apart from tightening up the rules a little not much else.
And so the thanks, to the Ref Huw Evans, did really well for his first ever walking football match.
Big thanks to Ritchie the Kit for making sure we had everything we needed and his encouragement from the side line.
Also thanks to Adi ‘Ding Dong’ the Eloquent for turning up to support us, and looking very dapper with his perfectly coiffured facial adornment.
Thanks to Eastleigh for their hospitality, we were looked after very well.
And finally, to Shaun Gale the South Coast Special One, without whom none of this would have happened, and for coaching us so well that we do play WALKING football.
by Probably Shirts » Fri Feb 06, 2015 4:00 pm 
