Many Shades of Grey Spring Festival
It was Sunday, it was Horndean College, it was high noon, and it was going to be emotional.
The Many Shades were there to play 6-a-side walking football along with the local rivals from Emsworth (calling themselves the “Seniors”) and from Hayling (who were the “Old Boys”). To complete the line-up, we had a team from Southampton (cunningly subtitled as “District Football Association”, to confuse us all).
The team from Southampton included several ladies, whose presence made absolutely no difference to either the standard of play or the impeccable behaviour displayed by the participants. These ladies were most definitely not a bunch of old biddies that had got chatting in the checkout at Primarni. Oh no, these ladies may have been over-50 (although we were so polite that nobody checked!) but they knew their way about a footy pitch all right to the extent that at least one of them had played for England. They also included the most massively huge male goalkeeper – so big he makes the Yeti look more like a Hobbit.
Unfortunately for both Emsworth and Hayling, their kit supplier had let them down, and their manager didn’t even turn up to watch. However this seemed to help them rather than hinder, and they played with a freedom that belied their ages.
The most bitterly contested match of the festival was saved up to the end, when the H&W Blues and H&W Pinks collided in a welter of blood and gore. It was decided by a rare moment of skill from Matt the Miss, who slotted home from a narrow angle for the only goal of the match. He had been deliberately left unmarked as his reputation meant that statistically it was better to use a player elsewhere on the pitch and let him have the freedom of that half of the pitch. Sometimes the odds, no matter how long, get beaten.
As the Pinks probed the resolute back five of the Blues, and Joe the Mighty, Robbie the Yeti, Steve the Film, Stewart the Voice, and even Mo the Polite rained shots in on inspired goalkeeper Clive the Nimble, so the Blues became more and more desperate to hang on to their lead. So much so that the Miss, clearly angling for a transfer to Eastleigh, hacked down the majestic Voice from behind as he strode forward yet again like Beckenbauer to set up another attack. The referee, the Special One drafted in to maintain control over this blood-bath, failed in his duty to send the Miss off, and so it was that the Blues hung on to a barely-deserved win. Man of the match had to be the Nimble.
The wounded were carried off to receive treatment in the bar at the Westleigh, where the other teams also tended their bruises with tincture of Doom Bar or Fosters, soaked up by bandages of buffet finger food.
The H&W Blues and Pinks, being impeccable hosts, generously allowed the guests to fill the first three places in the final league table. We didn’t want to put them off playing us again. For the record, it was won by the unbeaten Seniors, with the DFA runners-up. The Old Boys were third, leaving the Blues earning fourth ahead of the Pinks thanks to their incredible ability to park a bus in front of their goal.
Goalscorers for the Many Shades were few and far between, with Matt the Miss leading the way again with two more, taking his career tally to four, and increasing his record as all-time leading scorer for the Many Shades. Robbie the Yeti got another one, his second in our glorious colours, and Joe the Mighty also got off the mark.
A great time was had by all, the Blues led imperiously by Rob the Fit, ably backed up by his two goalkeepers Dave the Limpet (injured, but bravely carrying on for a while) and Clive the Nimble. With George the Safe calmly controlling midfield, and the ever-willing Derek the Wok patrolling the right flank, they formed a formidable barrier, supplemented by recent signing John the Hat and the ever-reliable Dave SBD on the left. Barrie the Booze was swaying along throughout, linking well with Matt the Miss completing the line-up.
Stewart the Voice’s Pinks played some very good football, but seemed to meet up with inspired goalkeeping and downright atrocious lapses of concentration all the way through. The Yeti was sin-binned for what seemed like about an hour, and in two of our games goalkeeper Tony the Wall was virtually a spectator as we battered the opposition. Joe the Mighty, Steve the Film, and Baz the Sober all weighed in up front, while Pete the Fast and Mo the Polite locked down the defensive duties.
Special mention must go to John the Nipper, who was carrying an injury, but turned up to volunteer to referee all the way through. He made his presence felt by a regular series of very sharp blasts on his whistle, like the Hogwarts Express gone mad. Big thanks also to Cathy the Wag for helping out by keeping all the scores, taking the money, and also with the buffet afterwards.
We’ll do it again soon.
by Tigerhawk » Fri Apr 03, 2015 10:41 pm 
) and leave us £21.32 in the WF kitty towards future expenses. We have a few b&w copies left over, and I'll drop them in at the Westleigh after training on Thursday.
… seriously, we need another volunteer.